My future?

So I happened to read my horoscope from The Onion. Here's what it says:

Pisces February 19 - March 20

You always knew you'd be sent straight to Hell when your time came, but you never thought they'd make you go there in a tacky white Hummer limousine.

Gotta love those guys. Where do they continue to come up with all this stuff? And then there's this:

Reeses Peanut Butter Cups

Very popular, one of you is not enough.

What Kind of Candy Are You?